Life according to Gordon

I just got back from a two-day Seinfeld marathon at Keeshia's place, and the combination of having wanted to blog about something for awhile and just having an experience probably worth at least a blog post brings me here. I mean, the experience isn't all that fantasmical, but neither is my blog usually. So anyway... Chris and I were walking back to my place, when a strange old man intercepted us on the sidewalk. I say "old," but this is of course factoring in the fact that I already consider myself an old man. So he was probably in his mid- to late-forties. Other important physical characteristics to note: slightly hunched over, smelled awful, and fly unzipped. As he approached us, he walked right in our path and quickly asked if either of us had a cell phone he could use. I could see Chris looked as though he would have rather said no and kept walking, but I decided in my head that I'd let him use my phone.

He explained, rather confusingly, that he needed to call an 800 number to check the balance on one of his calling cards. The way he talked about it made it seem as though this was a critically important thing for him to do. I can see clearly now that this is a rather strange request, but one thing I've noticed is that when strangers come up to you with strange requests, you don't always recognize them as such in the heat of the moment. In fact, I know I've been conned out of menial amounts of money before in a handful of similar situations, although in retrospect I write that off knowing that they probably needed that dollar a lot more than I did ($5 another time). Is that just me rationalizing things? Meh, probably.

So as I reached for the phone in my pocket, I gave Chris a somewhat nervous look, saying, "watch him carefully" with my eyes. Chris understood completely. It's strange how effective non-verbal communication can be. Also, at this point my mind was already processing several possible "bad case scenario" outcomes and how I might respond. For a split second, my inner monologue went something like this: "What if he grabs the phone and runs for it? Easy; chase him. He's fat--not a problem. What if he pulls a knife? Again, short and stocky--I could overpower him. Gun? Hmm, I could try to hit the gun to the side quickly away from me and Chris...wait, no. Probably not worth it. It's just a phone." It's interesting how quickly the mind can process things like this. So anyways, I got my phone out and opened it. The way that he started to move his hands made it look as though he wanted to grab it and start dialing himself, although I kept a firm grip on the phone. He must've realized this pretty quickly, because he retracted his hands and just told me the number to dial aloud. He also told me I'd have to press 1 for English right away. It was indeed an 800 number, I did indeed have to press 1, and I heard the computerized voice verify that it was indeed the Walgreen's calling card service. He was being honest; off to a good start.

The voice then asked for a pin number or somesuch, at which point I cautiously handed the phone to the man to dial it himself. He did, checked the number of minutes he had left (to which he said "good"), then quickly closed the phone and handed it back to me. Without skipping a beat, he then explained to me (in elaborate detail) an experience he had once. Apparently his calling card balance was $13.^something when he made an exceptionally brief call from a pay phone, later learning that his balance had been reduced to $10.^something. And since then, he always checks his balance after making a call with the card to ensure that they aren't slapping on surcharges. He mentioned that earlier that evening he had made a call from a pay phone x blocks away but forgot to check the balance immediately afterward like he normally does. And he seemed to be genuinely a little flustered over this; as I said, it seemed really important to him to do this.

As he told this story, which took probably a good three minutes, I was already thinking, "okay, okay, shut up; I really don't care and would rather be on my way. Also, you should probably take a shower and zip your fly." But I let him tell the story; he was already talking pretty quickly so I figured it wouldn't be too long. And I can understand feeling as though you'd need to justify the borrowed cell phone usage with an explanation, even though that really didn't make much sense either. It really just revealed that he had a paranoia over small surcharges, more than anything. So he walked on his way, grateful that his balance was still where he thought it would be, and Chris and I walked away slightly confused and laughed about it.

I try to be the Good Samaritan in situations such as these, even though some might view that as being unwise. It got me thinking about the actual story of the Good Samaritan in the Bible, so I want to rant about Biblical stuff a bit. I think a lot of people look at that story and say to themselves, "well, I would naturally help the poor man; I would never be like the priest or the Levite." And to that, I would call most of those people hypocrites and liars. One thing I think about a lot is a comparison between Biblical times and now, and the one resounding theme that I've noticed is that not much has changed. Sure, we have technological advancements that allow for greater military strength, more effective communication, better transportation, and a better standard of living for many (not for all by a long shot!), but as far as human behavior is concerned, practically nothing has changed. Any intelligent history major would be able to tell you in a heartbeat that history repeats itself all the time.

A lot of people are out there just for themselves. They think life is a game, and tend to take the same kind of approach to life that you see with five-year olds: the "mine, mine, mine" approach. No one is under any obligation to ever stop and help the poor man on the side of the road; they don't owe him anything. But for me, that's not really the point at all. It's not about what one person owes another. When one person is suffering, one of the worst things you can talk about is "debt." Of course the priest and the Levite were under no obligation to stop for him. Neither was the Good Samaritan--but he stopped anyway. And that's precisely why he is now known as the "Good Samaritan" rather than the "Kind-of-a-dick-sometimes Samaritan." To me, one of the real meanings of life is not to just play a game and try to win. I think a much more rewarding life can be obtained by consciously choosing not to "play the game," and instead try to focus on helping others.

Now, relating back to my situation. What long term impact will my letting this strange man borrow my cell phone for a minute have? Probably none. But for me, that's not the point either. I don't need to save a dying man on the roadside. I mean, I would like to think I'd try to if I came across that precise situation, but the likelihood of that happening in downtown Madison--right in front of me--is very small. Instead, I think about how I would want to be treated if I desperately needed to borrow someone's cell phone. I'd hope they'd let me use it! Now, admittedly, his reasons for borrowing my phone seemed pretty goofy, and I simply cannot envision myself ever asking to borrow someone else's phone for such a frivolous purpose. But like I said, it seemed to be strangely important to him, even though I don't really know why. And if I had some reason that was very important to me for wanting to borrow a phone, I would hope that someone would let me borrow it. So by letting him do so, I'm creating a kind of universal maxim in my head, for those of you familiar with Kant's ideas on ethics.

So what's the point of all this? Who knows. Some people like to believe that everything happens for a reason. Quite frankly, for me, the jury's still out on that one. I don't know why this strange, smelly man needed to borrow my cell phone to call a toll free number and check his calling card balance. I'm not sure that the universe or God had any good reason for bringing us together on this occasion. But then, there are many things in this universe that I simply don't understand the purpose of. Like the Dodo bird, for instance. What was the purpose of its brief existence? Maybe some things don't have a reason, contradicting the aforementioned theory. Or maybe the reason is yet to be revealed. Or maybe this had a huge impact on the strange man, even though it seemed to have no apparent reason for me. I don't know. But either way, I think it makes for at least semi-decent blog material. Leave a comment if you've got your own ideas on the matter.